Now is the time for Christmas

Now is the time for Christmas
As I live down on the isthmus
It surely is some big ass bisthmus
Round about this time of year.

One third my life is spent in bed
Chasing elusive things in my head
I should be up and freely spending
The contents of my wallet and plastic bending
Then wrapping it up and sending
Toward this penultimate ending
Spending of the fiscal year.
While your fan club gives a rending
always somebody offending, holiday cheer.

Hating as I do all this detritis
January bills will come back to bite us
If we first don't die of appendicitis
Or date a Greek named Encephalitis.

One twelfth of your life is spent in December
As you are so loath to repent, remember
Cold it is and dark and inner
And you are just another sinner
Sent to bed without your dinner
Hoping maybe this will make you thinner.

Viagra won't help with resurrection
Or give your sorry life direction
In this festive tortured vivisection
That we call this time of year

Now we have these halls to deck
(At least we have many friends in heck)
Be sure to send that charity a check.
Now we have these bells to jingle
As we anticipate Kris Kringle
Or was this red suited Nick a saint?
Considering the havoc created? No he ain't
Or maybe he was Santa Claus?
(I'm so confused, and don't
remember rightly who he was.)

Visiting the graves of some poor dead Uckers
Preferring dead to living motherf-----rs
All this merriment sure does one tucker

For the old one I won't shed a tear
Even if the new one is very queer.
Sleep will I to the brand new year.
And drink my last four cans of beer.